There are intangible things: I’d like my partner to give me a card saying that he decided that he wants us to move to Hawaii. Hmm, wait a minute, both of these so far are completely unrealistic. So before we go on, let’s set some ground rules.
The standard criteria for a gift, is that the gift has to be tangible (a note offering a hundred hours of garden work is acceptable, but also completely unrealistic). It has to be reasonably priced.
So here’s my wish list:
Muck boots, knee high.
1001 gardens you must see before you die. (and I would totally accept the offer to take me to some of them).
garden chipper/shredder
Jonagold semi-dwarf apple tree
worm composter
Gift certificate for seeds.
I’m going to give my hubby a cubic foot of orchid bark for Christmas.**
*You ever notice that people tend to give gifts that tell you who they want you to be, rather than who you really are? Hence the pink tie and the self-inflating camping mattress in my closet.
**Just kidding. If it doesn't start with "Harley" and end with "Davidson", I'm dead meat.
Yeah, well I have family in Hawaii, even if the name "Iowa" sounds vaguely similar to "Hawaii."
ReplyDeleteI think the winters are a bit more mild in Hawaii as well. Maybe I'm confused.
I like your wish list. I have one that is too long to write, as usual. I really want some seeding equipment such as an earthway seeder, soil block maker, lots of seeds and on and on.
ReplyDeleteThe husband, who has lived in both, backs you up w/r/t mild winters. Also we could use some ethnic minorities. And the summers are often also kind of unpleasant. And there's very little surfing. And occasionally Iowa smells like pig shit (but way less often than it used to, in my experience!).
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, our corn and corn-related industry kicks Hawaii's ass, the unemployment situation here is way better than in Hawaii, we have gay marriage for at least a couple more years, and merely by living here, you gain several heartland-morality points, which can be useful in arguing with people from other parts of the country: whatever you say is automatically understood to be more "real" and "common sense" than whatever it is they're saying.
And every four years you get to choose the President for the rest of the country (a process which apparently requires several months of telephone polls) and read people bitching on all the blogs how unfair and ridiculous it is that Iowa gets to go first, and how much they hate those stupid Iowans, who shouldn't be deciding these things anyway because look how white they all are, and farming is stupid, and the Iowa caucus-related pandering is how come high fructose corn syrup is in everything, and therefore Iowa is everything that's wrong with American politics.
Which is actually less fun than the corn, gay marriage, lowish unemployment, and moral superiority, but it only happens once every four years, so it's survivable.
Oh, also:
ReplyDeleteWhen the zombie apocalypse comes and civilization collapses, the productive farmland and down-home community values of Iowa, plus a substantial Amish and Mennonite community (mostly in E. central Iowa, where I live) will lead to large collective food-growing operations, which means you're unlikely to starve to death here. Plus we're surrounded by other farming states, which means that the zombies will have to eat, e.g., Indiana and Illinois before they ever get to Iowa, giving Iowans plenty of time to build a defense. Which we'll totally be able to do, because our educational system is one of the better ones in the country.
Hmmm. I suppose Hawaii is probably even better defended, though, being surrounded by thousands of miles of ocean, and they have pretty good farmland too. I don't know how they are on education.
Can zombies swim? It matters quite a bit to my pitch here whether zombies can swim.
For zombie-apocalypse purposes, I suppose really you're pretty well-off being anywhere but the desert southwest and mountain west states. Maybe the Appalachians too; I don't know how they are on farming or Amishness.
I'm suddenly realizing that I should try to get some kind of economic-development job in the Iowa government. Come to Iowa, the signs could say, and be marginally more likely to survive the zombie apocalypse.
ReplyDeleteWow, Mr. Subjunctive. That's quite a pitch. Could it have been all the...ahem... Kona coffee? I don't think you can grow coffee well in Iowa. You had me in stitches with the zombies.
ReplyDeleteMy hubber is from the Midwest as well (but WI - and he's always wanted to learn to surf). You make Iowa sound intriguing, though if I were to live in Iowa, I'd have to live in a 1 acre greenhouse for the winter (work would just have to come to me, forget stepping outside).
Chipper-shredder.
ReplyDelete