Here at Casa Coniglio lately, it isn’t the rabbits that have been the worst garden terrorists. Sure they have been eating all the dianthus. They have been eating the gaillardia. They have mowed down grasses. But recently I came to realize that they aren’t my worst garden terrorists right now. It’s not even the Curved-bill Thrasher, who insists on uprooting any new plant that I’ve put in, looking for that tempting morsel. I’ve even come to putting a brick on top of a transplanted sempervivum in hopes that it will deter them. But no. Today the little guy was lying in the path, roots in the air, the brick moved ever so slightly, but enough for a bird’s bill to gain access.
No, the latest garden terrorist is much worse. This one I call the Plant Crusher. It steps on cacti. It places heavy packages on top of potted plants. I call it Homo erectus var. dufusensis. It is closely related to H. e. imbicilia. There was one at my house the other day to give me an estimate on stucco work, and it promptly crushed my budding Echinocereus fitchii. Another placed a heavy Amazon shipment onto a pot of newly planted gems. Another carefully (it seemed) crushed the life out of several Echinocereus triglochidiatus. For the security of your garden, they are to be shot on sight.
Just sayin’.
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